So Amanda went to the student health center yesterday. She said the nurse was really nice but there wasn't much they could do. The doctor is only there on Fridays, so they made an appointment for her for this morning.

I called her an hour ago and she sounded like a completely different person -- all cheery and excited. She said the doctor was super nice; he sat her down and drew pictures to help explain what was happening to her thyroid and then he wrote her a new prescription. He also recommended a doctor at the free clinic, so Amanda will have someone to ask for when she goes to her appointment on the 13th.

It's such a relief.

Now I have to go take a biology lab test.

 

My sister's boss, Terri, called me this morning. Amanda didn't show up for work today.

She said "I talked to her last night and she was a mess. She still can't get her prescription filled and now I can't get ahold of her. Could you go and see if she's okay?"

When I couldn't get an answer at her apartment either, I took my spare key and went over there to check on her. No one was home. I called her work number and Amanda answered: "Sorry. Terri said you were trying to find me. I just overslept."

She was four hours late to work. That's not like her. But this thyroid condition has really messed her up; she can barely handle anything anymore. "All I want to do is sleep," she told me.

Terri pleaded with Rite Aid and got them to agree to give Amanda a few pills to tide her over until her asshole endocrinologist would call in the refill. But I took her to the pharmacy and when she asked for the pills the pharmacist returned to the counter and said, "It's been denied." My sweet, trusting little sister just picked up her purse and whispered, "Okay" and started to walk away. It was heartbreaking. I said, "She really needs this. Isn't there something we could do? Her endocrinologist is a total asshole and he won't return anyone's calls." The pharmacist shook her head and said, "I know. It happens a lot at County Hospital. But we have to talk to a doctor before we can give these to you." We begged her to give us some, but she said there wasn't anything she could do. "You should go to a clinic and get a different doctor to call it in."

We went back to her apartment and I called the asshole endocrinologist again. The coordinator at his clinic said "We'll have him call you." I told them it was important and explained the situation. "He'll call you right back." We still haven't heard from him. I called the gynecologist Amanda saw at Planned Parenthood a couple weeks ago. She really liked that doctor and said that they had discussed the goiter. I thought maybe she could help us get a refill, but her assistant told us we'd have to go to the free clinic.

Going to a clinic means waiting at least four hours, and even then you might not get in. All she needs is a REFILL.

Terri has looked into getting her health insurance, but no plan will take her because of her goiter. She should have lied when they asked her about preexisting conditions, but hindsight's 20/20 and my sister is an honest person.

She had to do payroll at the restaurant today, so there was no way we could go the clinic. Anyway, if you don't get there before 10am you don't have a chance in hell of seeing anyone. Tomorrow she has a portfolio review for a scholarship. She promised me she'd go to the clinic on Monday. She'll have to skip class and spend all day in a waiting room just so she can get someone to tell her what she already knows ("You're hypothyroid") and call Rite Aid and tell them to give her the pills.

I felt so helpless. I called the student health center at her community college and made her an appointment for this afternoon. I doubt they'll be able to do anything for her, but I figured it was worth a shot.

 

Check out our new couch. It was delivered just in time for our housewarming party!

 

I had lunch with my friend Chris today. He seemed depressed. He said he wants to quit being so negative all the time. We had a good talk, and I left there thinking "I need to study harder, exercise harder, and quit complaining so much."

I will not complain about finals. I will not tell Drew that failing my finals will ruin my life. I won't waste time in the library giving loud people the evil eye.

I will, however, vent my anxiety by cursing under my breath on the stairmaster.

 

My sister finally went to see a doctor about her goiter... only because her gynecologist chastised her for not getting a second opinion. She's been on medication for a few months now, but her endocrinologist has been a real jerk; he won't tell her if the egg-sized lump on her throat will ever go away or not. He makes her cry at every appointment. He's. A. Dick.

(I had half a bottle of red wine with dinner tonight).

So her gyno made an appointment for her at a clinic in Glendale. Amanda still doesn't have health insurance. The women who own the restaurant she manages want to get her insured, but no insurance company will take her because she has "a preexisting condition". Bastard fuckers.

(Okay, more than half a bottle).

So she ran out of her medication before her appointment. And her pharmacy couldn't get ahold of her asshole endocrinologist. She went to the clinic for her appointment and they turned her away, saying that they were overbooked. They rescheduled her for three weeks from Friday. THREE WEEKS. Amanda protested, saying she needed her medication. She's already started having hypothyroid symptoms again (low body temperature, lethargy, depression). Their response: "Well, we might be able to take you next Friday."

I hate the medical establishment. I can't wait until I have my own prescription pad.

Right now, my sister is totally screwed. And she has no car (because hers was stolen). I tried to call her yesterday and she never returned my call. I tried her all day today and she never called me back. I went to her restaurant and her boss said she'd had someone cover her shift because she wasn't feeling well. Ugh.

This is not the goiter update I was hoping to give you. Forgive me for any spelling/grammar errors; I'm pretty shitfaced right now.

 

Drew and I made up. He's really good at explaining himself and making sure that we get everything out in the open. I, on the other hand, am usually happy just being silently self-righteous.

My sister went to a new doctor today to get her goiter checked out. So in the next post you'll get a goiter update. YEA!!!!

 

Today was my last chemistry test before the final. My second-to-last last chance to raise my grade.

This morning I slept in. Then I went to the library and studied for two or three hours. Then I went to the gym, because I decided that exercising right before the test might help calm me down. I feel like my main problem with chemistry is just poor test performance. I know what I'm doing, I just get nervous.

Okay, sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing. But today I did, and I was determined not to let sweaty palms fuck it up for me.

I felt great during the test. I walked out of there feeling fanTASTIC. In twenty minutes I was sure I'd gotten another B. I was wrong about the molecular structure of graphite. I'd gotten the shape right, but not the bonds. I quickly convinced myself that I must have made tons of stupid little errors like that.

To cheer myself up, I made Drew go see the new Amityville Horror with me. We went to In 'n Out. Then we went to Whole Foods and I pouted and complained that he was spending too much money.

We got home thirty minutes ago. I checked my grade online. I got 97/100. The only thing I missed was graphite.

Now Drew and I are fighting. Ostensibly we're fighting because he grocery shops improperly and I dragged my feet when he asked for a martini. He's in bed watching television and not talking to me. Or I'm not talking to him.

Grrrr... dammit.

(See? I told you this thing ended badly.)

 

I had a dream last night that I was a religious zealot. In order to prove my faith, I was planning to float down the Mississippi River on my back. A group of Christ-haters was trying to stop me. I was running through a thick wooded area trying to get to the river when an anti-Jesusfreak Freak caught me. It was a girl from my biology lab. I gave what was apparently a rousing biblical kind of speech (although I don't remember now what I said) and won her over. I got into the river, puffed up my chest and extended my legs and let the current pull me away.

And then my alarm went off.

 

I was so happy with chemistry at the beginning of the semester. Everything about it seemed fascinating. Not anymore. It seduced me with its grand ideas and simple beauty... and now I'm stuck in its soul-numbing minutiae.

Lewis Dot Structures are fun. I've got no problem with G.N. Lewis and his dots. It's just little shit that keeps tripping me up; I call a molecule "pyramidal" and the book calls it "square pyramidal." I just can't seem to get everything right.

I want to kill myself.

Studying chemistry also makes me really horny. I have all kinds of dirty thoughts during lecture and while I'm studying in the library. It's probably because I'm so bored; but I think it could also be due to the fact that chemistry is really fucking me right now. I feel totally powerless when I'm studying it. It turns me into a confused submissive ("Why are you doing this to me? Ouch. Jesus... Why'd you stop?").

 

I've been kind of slacking on the "Stuff I Should Know by Now" links (look to the right). So since tonight is Saturday and I'm, you know, ready to cut loose and party and my boyfriend is out of town, I decided it was a good time to figure out who my state representatives are. So I went here, clicked on "Find my District" and then cut-and-pasted the links.

Then I decided to actually read something about my representatives, and I almost had a stroke: THEY'RE REPUBLICANS. Really militant, nasty, mean republicans. And that they've been writing legislation proposing to, like, kill puppies and Jews. Or they looked like people who might do that kind of thing.

And then I noticed that their offices were in Fresno. And that they're not my representatives at all, but the representatives of people like Scott Peterson. (Actually I think he and Gary Condit were both from Modesto not Fresno... but they both end in "o" and they're both places I never plan to visit. So anyway I was relieved.)

Then I set out to find my actual senator and assemblyman and it took FUCKING FOREVER. That site didn't work. What if I actually NEEDED my state senator for something? Shouldn't this be an easy thing to find?

After forty-five minutes, I finally figured it out. They seem like very nice people. I was too riled up by the time I found them to actually read anything about them. Except my senator has a "Master of Divinity" degree from Yale and my assemblyperson is a woman. That's all I know.

Is there more crap I should know about these people? I tried to read the senator's blog, but it was even more boring than the one you're reading right now.

 

Could I be more of a broken record????

 

I was supposed to study chemistry all day today. It's now 6:25 and I've probably studied a little less than two hours.

Every day I'm forced to strike a balance between attending to my personal life and attending to school obligations. And sometimes it's fucking frustrating.

As an undergrad, my personal life consisted of four things (listed in order of the amount of time I invested in each):

1. Searching for and smoking pot.
2. Searching for and having sex.
3. Hanging out with my friends.
4. Eating/sleeping/bathing. (These could be separated, but as individual needs they were all pretty unimportant to me most of the time).

Now my personal life has a bit more gravity. I have a boyfriend who needs certain things from me and, uh... this can feel overwhelming at times. Today our apartment was a wreck and for the past few days he's been feeling kind of blue, so I didn't end up leaving for the library until 3:00.

Sometimes I feel selfish and I'll get aggravated that I have to constantly choose between studying and spending time with him. But now that I'm looking at that list, I realize how much fuller my life is now than it was six or seven years ago. Not just because of Drew, but he's definitely a huge factor.

Also, he's cute. And he's a good kisser.

He's driving out to Joshua Tree with a couple friends right now. I couldn't go because I have a chemistry test on Tuesday. He just called to tell me he left me a surprise on the kitchen counter and in the refrigerator.

Maybe he baked me something. Maybe two hours at the library is enough and I should drive home right now to eat it.

 

I just typed the LONGEST posting about Drew and this stupid computer erased it.

 

For those of you who have been missing my incessant bitching about my grades, I have a new crisis. Chemistry, in which I was once so sure I'd be getting an A, is turning into a real headache. I have a test on Tuesday over Lewis Structures, which will hopefully allow me to redeem myself and raise my grade.

I got a 137/140 on my last biology test, so I'm thinking I'd have to really fuck up the final to...

Oh Jesus, what a terrible entry I've got going here. I should really just cut my losses and stop now. I promised a certain someone that I'd update today, though. In my defense, I've had half a bottle of wine and it's midnight. I'll try to come up with something slightly entertaining tomorrow.

Oh. My little sister's car got stolen. And her insurance won't cover it. Fuck. That story would have made a much better entry.

Oh well.