This is a record of a moment of confusion. Let this post reflect my ambivalence as I'm being pulled in various directions while also being forced to make life-changing decisions on a strict timetable.

Ob/Gyn vs. pediatrics.

Away rotations in Los Angeles this summer/fall (and all the $$ that entails) vs. staying in Philadelphia.

I'm so clear, on certain days, that pediatrics is what I want to do. I did love gynecology, though. And labor & delivery. Maybe that was just because I didn't expect to like it. It was a shock and then kind of exhilarating to find something new. But now I'm back at the hospital where I did my ob/gyn rotation (I'm doing internal medicine there for six weeks) and I keep running into the ob/gyn residents and I get these pangs. Seriously. I feel like that's what I want to do.

But then people ask me "Do you like the OR?"

And no. I don't. I'm so bored in the operating room.

"Well then you don't really like ob/gyn." So then I go back to pediatrics.

And in the background is all this pressure to match in Los Angeles. I have to be competitive with all the other six gazillion medical students who want to match into residencies there. Is pediatrics less competitive? What if I want to do pediatric heme/onc? Is it possible to match into that fellowship out of a non-academic peds training program?

And will these audition rotations really help at all? I look at UCLA's application and it's just too burdensome. And I cannot, cannot, cannot live on the west side. But I'm not sure I even need to do audition rotations for USC. Aren't I already competitive there? Or am I not... no one seems to be able to tell me for sure.

So I just forget about making a decision and go back to studying. And hope that I do well on Step 2 of the boards in August so that I'll have more choices. Just to make things more confusing, I guess.