Grandma: "Mormons > Gays"
Due to some annoying USPS snafu I ended up getting only one piece of mail on my actual birthday.
It was a package from my father's mother. She lives in a Southern Baptist retirement home. I'm starting to think of that place as a kind of terrorist training camp for extremist septuagenarians; everything that comes out of there is the emotional equivalent of a hand grenade. I won't be surprised if her next letter is filled with anthrax.
Her "gifts" are typically of the arts-and-crafts-we-made-in-the-home-this-week variety. (Which, to be honest, aren't much different from the kind of crap she unloaded on us before she lived in a nursing home.)
This year she sent me a pin cushion shaped like a pumpkin along with the following note:
"Andy, this is a Pin Cushion [her capitalization], in case you didn't know what it was.
During the night, I turned on the T.V. -- there was a program where a young fellow was desperate to find a new life style. He heard that Brigham Young University had a course -- He took it and was able to straighten out his life. I pray you will check into it and will find the life God meant for you to have. I love you very much. Have a Happy Happy Birthday.
Gran Mitchell."
I like how she turns all cheerful at the end, as though everything else were just a helpful little hint she found in a magazine or a coupon she'd clipped out of the paper.
My sister Aimee called her up the next night and explained that such a note was inappropriate as a birthday greeting, and that Grandma's prayers would be better spent on our father and his many, many sins against his children. Grandma left me a message the next day, apologizing for upsetting me and saying that she had never heard Aimee speak to her that way: "I pray the Lord will forgive her."
I went through a short period where I was considering creating a fiction in which I would pretend to take the course, discover the wondrous world of Mormonism and convert. Then we'd find out which group is closer to the fiery pits of Hell in Grandma's mind: gays or the Osmonds. I'm guessing she doesn't realize that there is a connection between BYU and LDS.
Ugh. I want to have compassion for this person, but it's very difficult to accept her bigotry when she isn't able to accept me.
I keep sharing the contents of her letter with my friends in an attempt to turn it into a joke so that it doesn't sting quite so much. I loved this woman as a child. She was always so loving and sweet. I guess I should write her back and try to explain to her that I'm not interested in the life she thinks God wants me to have. Thoughts?
It was a package from my father's mother. She lives in a Southern Baptist retirement home. I'm starting to think of that place as a kind of terrorist training camp for extremist septuagenarians; everything that comes out of there is the emotional equivalent of a hand grenade. I won't be surprised if her next letter is filled with anthrax.
Her "gifts" are typically of the arts-and-crafts-we-made-in-the-home-this-week variety. (Which, to be honest, aren't much different from the kind of crap she unloaded on us before she lived in a nursing home.)
This year she sent me a pin cushion shaped like a pumpkin along with the following note:
"Andy, this is a Pin Cushion [her capitalization], in case you didn't know what it was.
During the night, I turned on the T.V. -- there was a program where a young fellow was desperate to find a new life style. He heard that Brigham Young University had a course -- He took it and was able to straighten out his life. I pray you will check into it and will find the life God meant for you to have. I love you very much. Have a Happy Happy Birthday.
Gran Mitchell."
I like how she turns all cheerful at the end, as though everything else were just a helpful little hint she found in a magazine or a coupon she'd clipped out of the paper.
My sister Aimee called her up the next night and explained that such a note was inappropriate as a birthday greeting, and that Grandma's prayers would be better spent on our father and his many, many sins against his children. Grandma left me a message the next day, apologizing for upsetting me and saying that she had never heard Aimee speak to her that way: "I pray the Lord will forgive her."
I went through a short period where I was considering creating a fiction in which I would pretend to take the course, discover the wondrous world of Mormonism and convert. Then we'd find out which group is closer to the fiery pits of Hell in Grandma's mind: gays or the Osmonds. I'm guessing she doesn't realize that there is a connection between BYU and LDS.
Ugh. I want to have compassion for this person, but it's very difficult to accept her bigotry when she isn't able to accept me.
I keep sharing the contents of her letter with my friends in an attempt to turn it into a joke so that it doesn't sting quite so much. I loved this woman as a child. She was always so loving and sweet. I guess I should write her back and try to explain to her that I'm not interested in the life she thinks God wants me to have. Thoughts?
Labels: Big Sister, Grandparents
3 Comments:
wow. you should send her a photo of you and drew spooning in the nude. maybe it will shock her out of her reverie.
That sucks! It's really hard to tell the old folks off when they are bigots, esp when they were so kind to you as a kid. However, bigotry is unexuseable at any age and I'm of the school of thought that people should not stop learning and evolving until the day they die.
You could ask her if she would prefer that you live an honest life (i.e. listening to your true feelings) and be happy, versus a dishonest life (faking heterosexuality to conform to her image of what's "right") and be miserable. Tell her that you don't agree with her Southern Baptist ways, but you would never ask her to go be a Scientologist or something she's not. You can ask for an agreement not to judge each others' lifestyles and focus on what you have in common.
It's so hard to accept ignorance from the people we love, but I think realistically you have two options.
1) Love her unconditionally, regardless of her beliefs. After all, that's what you probably wish she would do for you.
2) Walk away. She's not a person who works to help you feel good about yourself and nothing you say will change that, just as nothing she says will change you. You need to surround yourself with people who love and accept you no matter what.
My brother is gay, and we all gave him a hard time when he came out. I wish to God we had known then what we do now. All he really needed from us was love. We've all changed, but not because of anything he ever said. He loved us despite our ignorance and his acceptance and love spurred us on to become educated, which in turn enabled us to love him for who he was.
P.S. I hope you don't mind that I commented since we don't even know each other.
Post a Comment
<< Home