I've been hit with a steady stream of "fag" comments over the past month.

While I was visiting the family farm a few weeks ago my fourteen year-old cousin/godson said to my nephew "Don't be such a faggot." To his credit (I guess?) he didn't think I could hear him.

Last week a classmate said, in reference to a player in the NFL draft, "I hate that guy. He's such a faggot." Drew and I were sitting right next to him.

Two nights ago I was on Facebook and happened to skim over my 25 year-old cousin's status update (something about him watching baseball with his dad) when I noticed a brilliant conversation he was carrying on with a friend in the comments section. Before you read what he wrote I'd like to say that he was such an adorable, adorable kid back in the day. I really just have so much affection for this guy. But... oh well, here it is -- may as well not sugarcoat it: "Thanks for never answering my calls or ever calling me back anymore, you need to stop being a fag, and beer olympics is going on in kc this next weekend, you should try to make it!"

A few minutes ago yet another classmate gave someone a breath mint and when the recipient tried to take a few extra was told "Quit being such a pansy." [I realize pansy does not = fag. At least not to me. It's less biting in my opinion and makes me think of flowers rather than late-night-dark-alley hate crimes. To be honest I'm not sure people even think of "pansy" as a derogatory term for a gay person but I'm sorry that's what it is. And, once again, I was sitting right next to them.]

Each and every time (even on Facebook) I let the speaker/writer know that I didn't appreciate the comment. [Well, except for the "pansy" kid; I was studying and didn't feel like dealing with that one. Plus, I was having an internal debate about the offensiveness of the word.] I try to correct people with humor, because most of them (I think, I hope) don't actually dislike gay people. But it's really getting kind of exhausting dealing with it and I wish everyone in my life was a faithful reader of this blog** so that they could all privately work on expunging those terms from their temporal lobes. I'm seriously oh so very sick of hearing them.

I meant this entry to be a meditation on masculinity and the anxiety guys have about that quality both in themselves and in those they associate with. It was going to sound so learned and wise and when it was finished I was going to read over it and feel reassured that their words really are all about them and have absolutely nothing to do with me. But then I spent so much time recounting the various offenses that (a) I really have to get back to studying and (b) I'm all pissed off again.

** I realize there are no faithful readers for a blog that is updated once every four months. Still, it'd be nice.