Damn, This Floor is Cold!
It's 4:41 in the morning and I've been up for an hour. I had a disturbing dream and couldn't go back to sleep, so I snuck out of the bedroom trying not to wake Drew up in the process. Now I'm sitting at his computer wrapped in the blanket from the couch, wearing no shoes on our ice-cold slate floor.
The dream involved my little sister telling me over the phone that our cousin Kyle visited her in Taos and tried to have sex with her. I think my head exploded next, but I woke up too quickly to enjoy the full sensation so that's just a guess.
As I lay there in bed all post-traumatic, I realized that my angry feelings were being misdirected at my cousin. I'm pretty sure my cousin in the dream was a stand-in for my dad. Not that my dad would ever molest my sister... but he and my cousin are the only members of the family (besides me and Drew) who have visited her in Taos. And recently she had a big long three-hour phone conversation with Dad that has knocked her into a deep depression. She called me after that marathon phone call with him and we had a long talk about Dad, the divorce, the estrangement... and then a week later she called me and said she was depressed. And I was too dumb to figure out why. "Is it work?" No. "Is school okay?" Yes. "Are things good with Danny?" Yeah. "Well maybe it's your goiter."
Jesus, could the elephant in the room be any bigger?!?!
I think that phone call with Dad really crossed a line, in terms of being overly familial and overly emotional considering our history with Marc (I can't type the D-word again). So I think maybe that's why my brain thought molestation was an appropriate analogy.
I really wish I could give her a call now. But it's 4:53. Should I just watch TV? It'll wake Drew up. Shit. And if I sneak back in there I risk waking him up, too. Now I'm stuck out here alone in the predawn coldness. All right, well this is not the best ending to a post ever, but it's what you're stuck with. Enjoy.
The dream involved my little sister telling me over the phone that our cousin Kyle visited her in Taos and tried to have sex with her. I think my head exploded next, but I woke up too quickly to enjoy the full sensation so that's just a guess.
As I lay there in bed all post-traumatic, I realized that my angry feelings were being misdirected at my cousin. I'm pretty sure my cousin in the dream was a stand-in for my dad. Not that my dad would ever molest my sister... but he and my cousin are the only members of the family (besides me and Drew) who have visited her in Taos. And recently she had a big long three-hour phone conversation with Dad that has knocked her into a deep depression. She called me after that marathon phone call with him and we had a long talk about Dad, the divorce, the estrangement... and then a week later she called me and said she was depressed. And I was too dumb to figure out why. "Is it work?" No. "Is school okay?" Yes. "Are things good with Danny?" Yeah. "Well maybe it's your goiter."
Jesus, could the elephant in the room be any bigger?!?!
I think that phone call with Dad really crossed a line, in terms of being overly familial and overly emotional considering our history with Marc (I can't type the D-word again). So I think maybe that's why my brain thought molestation was an appropriate analogy.
I really wish I could give her a call now. But it's 4:53. Should I just watch TV? It'll wake Drew up. Shit. And if I sneak back in there I risk waking him up, too. Now I'm stuck out here alone in the predawn coldness. All right, well this is not the best ending to a post ever, but it's what you're stuck with. Enjoy.
Labels: Dad, Drew, Little Sister