9:13am, Saturday:

I'm at school. The goal is to stay here until I've reviewed everything. I'm prepared to spend the night if need be. I'm not leaving the 4th floor of this building until every lecture has been reviewed.

Also, I'm planning to stay off of the internet (except for accessing lectures and powerpoint presentations and updating this blog).

11:33pm, Saturday

I've gotten online a few times. Whatever. I've still gotten craploads done and I'm not stopping yet! I'm pretty exhausted, but I'm still being productive. I made a list of things I need to get through. It's got seventeen items on it (the list is 17 items long. Again, whatever. Grammar.) I've accomplished six of the seventeen since I made the list this afternoon. Yet somehow I still believe I'm going to make it.

I went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting last night. Drew and I were invited by a friend who was celebrating 8 years of sobriety. I'd like to tell you about it, but everything I type sounds like something from this site.

3:51pm, Sunday

I made it until 1am this morning, then I tried to sleep on the concrete floor. There are couches downstairs but i was too tired to pack up my stuff; too worried about having to make chitchat with classmates down there; too concerned about getting an early start this morning. That may have been a mistake, though, because DAMN that concrete floor was cold. I put on my hat and gloves and my coat. At 4am I pushed two tables together and got a few more hours of sleep off the floor (although the tables weren't necessarily much warmer).

I've gotten a lot done. I have a lot left to do. It's not possible, apparently, to do it all. I'd honestly really love to quit right now. But maybe that just means I need a 15 minute break. And a snack.

Here I am, wearing yesterday's clothes:



At least I brushed my teeth.

 

I did a good job of studying this morning. I did an adequate job of studying this afternoon. I've done a seriously half-assed job of studying tonight.

Today we learned how to do an ultrasound. I actually didn't learn jack shit, because when they asked if anyone wanted to play the role of the patient my hand shot up immediately and within 30 seconds I was lying, bare-bellied, on the exam table. I didn't learn much, because I never actually got to administer (?) the ultrasound. But I did learn one amazing fact about myself: I HAVE AN ECTOPIC KIDNEY!! The E.R. doc who was teaching us couldn't find my right kidney and I think he was getting a little embarrassed. Then when he went to look at my abdominal aorta, BOOM, there it was. My right kidney. Way far away from where it's supposed to be.



I feel kind of like a celebrity now, for some reason. Our bodies are so amazing. It's cool when you find some quirk in your body that is pretty benign, yet strange and fun to discuss with fellow med students. I called my mom immediately.

 

That last entry pretty much sums up my life in school these past few months. I had a nice two-week break and came back feeling refreshed and excited about Block 10: Diseases of the Nervous and Musculoskeletal System. I've done a fairly good job of keeping up with the material, but today is one of those see-saw days: if I don't meet today's quota, it will be very hard to be prepared for this exam. And I'm feeling pretty okay about not meeting today's quota (which includes learning about anesthetics, opioid painkillers, antiepileptic drugs and muscle relaxants -- so it actually could be a pretty interesting Saturday if I chose to do the work). Drew's at the grocery store right now buying ingredients so he can make a dish for a potluck I'm forcing him to go to. When I accepted the invite I fully expected to make it myself, but of course the day came and I freaked out that I wouldn't have time to do it all. It's something like 11 degrees here, so the guilt I feel about sending my boyfriend out in the cold to walk to Whole Foods for me should motivate me to get back to work. It should.

I did a pelvic exam last week. On a live woman. With a speculum. It was probably the single craziest thing that's happened to me since med school started. I found it kind of thrilling, actually. I know how that sounds -- but I saw a cervix! I actually saw a cervix and then I touched a cervix. And then I felt for her uterus. The woman works for an organization that trains healthcare providers to give pelvic exams. This particular woman is an attorney by day. She said she works with a lot of victims of sexual crimes, and those women have a lot of anxieties about these exams. A lot of the training was about proper word choice and proper technique. And also learning not to do certain things. For instance, we're not supposed to use "therapeutic touch" -- which is basically when you put your hand on someone's shoulder while you're listening to their heart. A reassuring touch. It's considered to be a good thing in other exams, but would obviously be a little skeevy in this situation.

My friend Abi and Leslie and I got $6000 from the alumni association to do a community service project. We're giving out cold weather gear (emergency blankets that retain body heat, hats and gloves and coats) and hygiene kits and underwear and socks to people who come to a local area mobile health clinic. It's a big truck that parks in the neighborhood and a doctor comes to do routine health screenings and give vaccinations etc etc. There's also a needle exchange, so a lot of IV drug users come there. We started giving out the emergency blankets this week. I was a little worried when these blankets arrived at my door. I spent $1,500 on them so they were a huge part of our budget. They're not warm, soft blankets and that's really what I wanted to hand out to people. That was my instinct. But it doesn't make sense to give a homeless person an army blanket or something that's just going to get waterlogged the first time it rains. These are waterproof and, although they're thin, they really do help keep you warm. One corner has a little hood and two other corners have places for your hands so you can wear it like a poncho and wrap it around yourself. People seemed to love them and the doctor thought they were a great idea. So that was cool.

Okay... back to work before Drew comes home all frozen and gets upset with me for blogging when I could have gone grocery shopping.