We don't have DSL at the new place yet. That's why I haven't been blogging. Hopefully we'll be back at high speeds by the end of the week.

For those of you waiting anxiously, I got an A on my biology test.

I have a chemistry test today, for which I'm not feeling the appropriate amount of anxiety. I should be anxious, because "E=mc^2" showed up in this material. That's never a good sign. Light is a wave and a particle... all matter in the universe has characteristics of particles and of waves. Fun concepts -- very very un-fun math to back them up.

The new apartment is nice but messy. Messy messy messy. Drew is having some shelves built so we can unload boxes of books. And we both need to learn how to live in such a small space; throwing clothes on the floor isn't really an option anymore.

 

Spring break starts (for me) in about four hours. That's when I'll be done with my biology lab, in which I have to give a five-minute presentation. I chose methamphetamine as my topic, because it's a huge issue in the little podunk town I come from. I wonder if I should tell my classmates, as an aside, that there is a couple that lives in my hometown that got arrested for building a meth lab in their house. And that they lived five doors down from me. And that they are first cousins. And that they have a kid together.

I used to work for this crazy Hollywood couple and one time the husband got all stoned and started telling me that he and I were both from "the hinterlands" and that when you come from "the hinterlands" to "the city" you bring with you all the bullshit that they teach you in "the hinterlands." And that it was up to us (he and I) to rid ourselves of the stuff of "the hinterlands." All of which I found quite amusing. He seriously said "the hinterlands" at least six times. He's right in a lot of ways, I think... but I think everyone carries childhood baggage around with them and that it's not really geography and socioeconomics that can hold you back in life. It's your value system and your work ethic. Whatever. God knows one of that guy's kids could have used a trip to "the hinterlands" to learn something about how to treat people. (If you know me then you know whom I mean.)

"The hinterlands" have given us a lot of good things: Bill Clinton, dairy products, and funny stories about incestuous meth-lovin' toothless cousins.

 

The biology exam went well. I think. I know I definitely did better than last time. A phone call with Katie on Saturday convinced me that flashcards are totally queer, so I abandoned that exercise and just did seven to eight hours of book & note review yesterday. I went to three study sessions over the past week and re-read all seven chapters.

The information is in my head, it's just a matter of test performance. Unlike last time, I was well-rested for the exam today. Unlike last time, I knew what was coming. Still, I was nervous. You have to move really fast to get through all three sections in fifty minutes. During the multiple-choice part I started to sweat; I'd get distracted by anxiety and have to re-read a question three times ("I know this. Don't I? Do I know what he's asking here?? Oh my God, I don't know this!! I'm at the end of the question and I have no idea what--Okay. Re-read the question."). I knew all of the definitions, which was a relief. The short answers were tricky, and I'm still not sure about one of them. Multiple-choice refuses to be the easy section I want it to be; questions aren't straightforward, and too many of them include "D: All of the above" or "D: "A, B and C are correct." Or he'll ask "Which of these is the BEST answer?" and then all four will be right and you have to find the rightest, bestest one.

I can't believe I have to move this week. I have a presentation to do in my bio lab and chemistry and bio lectures have both taken a turn towards Confusingville. But next week is spring break. Drew and I will have a whole week to settle into the apartment and then my mom is coming to town. She's meeting Drew's parents for the first time. It'll be nice to have something non-school-related to worry about for a change.

 

Last night Drew woke me up by saying "Nico ran away."

"Huh?"

"Glen just called."

Glen had gone out from seven until midnight, and when he got back to his new apartment Nico was gone. She had torn a hole in the bottom of his front door and made her escape. He said the door was saturated from the rains, but still... she must have really wanted out of there. Nico doesn't do well on her own; Drew says when Glen first got her she would tear their apartment apart if you left her alone. Orphan anxiety, I think. Jana's dog Ruby had that, too. Ruby, like Nico, was abandoned at one point in her life. (Although I guess an argument could be made that Ruby and Nico were both just really high-strung dogs and that's why their owners abandoned them. But that's too Ruby/Nico-critical for me; I like to blame their bastard former owners.)

Glen and Nico moved into their new apartment a week ago. Ironically, Glen's new place is about three blocks from the apartment I've been sharing with my sister. Glen told Drew that he had a missed call on his cell phone last night, and when he called the number it was a bagel shop just down the street. He assumed the shop owners got his number off of Nico's collar, but by the time he called them they were closed. I secretly shuddered, because last year I witnessed a dog being run over right in front of that shop. People drive way too fast on that street.

This morning Drew and I were both pretty upset about it. She's such a sweet, sweet dog and Drew says she has a tendency to run into traffic when not on her leash. Before I left for the library, he gave Glen a call to see if there was any update.

Glen said Nico came trotting home at 5:15am covered in garbage and happy as a clam. She's sitting at my feet as I write this; Glen is at Home Depot buying a new (steel) door.

 

It would be so easy to let everything else in my life fall away and focus solely, exclusively on school. I'm sure that's what I'd do if I were single.

Today I had a lot of biology exam prep to do. The other postbaccs were meeting at the library at 11am to study. I woke up at 8:30 and figured I should shower and do my practice exam before going to the study group. But Drew has been feeling really sick and the apartment was a mess, so I did some dishes and made us some breakfast instead. Then I ran to the store and chatted with him until I left for the library (at 10:30).

I still got everything done. Not doing the practice test before the study group didn't end up hurting me, because only a couple people had done it. I think that not allowing my life to be completely overwhelmed by schoolwork helps me maintain my footing. Anyway, this whole posting is just to remind myself not to ignore everything in the pursuit of an A in biology, because I can't live for the next six to nine years on schoolwork alone.

 

Confusion and apprehension. A scummy film on my teeth and a slightly bloated gut. That's me right now, and I'm not even postpartum or anything. Just stuck in a deep hole of biology exam prep.

I'm starting to feel that this is pointless (this blog), because I really don't have much to say outside of school stuff. That's all I'm doing right now and all I'm worrying about. There's Drew... I write about him sometimes. Not too much, though, because my Drew feelings are so gooey; I'm sensitive to readers who don't want a constant string of "my boyfriend is the greatest!!!! (part XVII)" posting titles.

Eh, fuck it. I'm just being honest here and you don't have to read it if you don't want. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Whoa. That's the B-in-biology/low-self-esteem monster talking.

I actually had a semi-breakthrough today. It sounds minimal, but it felt like growth to me. I had just finished my chemistry lab and as I was packing up I asked my T.A. a question that I'd been wondering all day. "Why did we use sodium bicarbonate?" I had written out the formula and stared at it and tried to figure out why you'd soak a plant in bicarbonate when you're monitoring photosynthesis but I just couldn't figure it out. My T.A. said "You know, I've waited all day for someone to ask me that but no one did." She sat down and wrote out the reaction for me and suddenly I felt really engaged and more like an active learner than a passive learner. It felt good.

 

I just got home from my chemistry test. That was... not as easy as the first one. There were 10 problems and we had 60 minutes. It seems like enough time, but several of those problems are multi-part and complicated; by the end of it my head was pounding and I was sweating. The two other guys in my row didn't finish... neither did the JPL engineer in my program. Maybe that's a good sign (for me). I finished, but in the 52 minutes since the test ended I've realized that I messed up two problems. I should still get partial credit, though.

Now it's on to biology. The test will mostly be about mitosis. I've read everything, but I have a lot of reviewing to do. Plus I'm still sick. My glands are totally swollen and my throat is sore and if I move around too much my body starts to ache. Even walking from my car to my chemistry exam exhausted me. Drew and I are heading over to the new apartment in a few minutes. Too much stuff happening at once.

To top it all off, I just realized that I can't go to the premiere party for the t.v. show I worked on this year because it conflicts with my bio review session. Arggghhh! It's probably not a good idea to be going out when I've been sick and I have a test coming up and I have a 9am lecture the following morning. But it would have been nice to catch up with old co-workers and eat free food.