i start school in six weeks.

forty-three days from today i will have my first chemistry lecture in ten years, followed immediately by my first biology lecture in eleven years. i'd like to think the day will be spent in some mass orientation type thing, but i have a feeling we're going to jump right into the periodic table.

normally i deal with school stress by fantasizing about what it would be like to fail, exposing my ignorance to my friends and family. then i use that fear as motivation to study.

forty-three days out i'm scared... but not scared enough. last night i thought to myself 'i should really crack open schaum's and brush up on my chemistry basics.' but instead i finished reading this. and then i read a newspaper article about social security reform. maybe just reading something, anything, will help ease me back into studying.

or maybe i'll fail out of school and spend the rest of my life running into random old friends who'll say...

old friend: 'hey! i heard you went back to school to become a doctor! wow!'
me: 'yeah but i couldn't hack it.'
old friend: 'oh. uh. yeah that's... well it's cool that you tried. at least you tried.'

ugh.