i just realized that my financial aid will be based on my 2003 income. this is great news, because in 2003 i made $19,962. and that's because...

jan 2003: on new year's day, after living together for two years, the canadian said "i think i might move to san diego. or back to montreal." when i asked what this meant about our future together, he responded (honest to goodness) with this little gem: "relationships are nice things to have, but we need to worry about ourselves first." happy fucking new year's. i was working at an indie film company at the time making $500/week gross. i immediately gave two weeks' notice and bought a couple plane tickets and a eurail pass with my credit card.

feb 2003: that two weeks' notice was extended and i worked for the first two weeks of february. just before christmas i had totaled my car (because i was stoned) and i had to wait for it to be fixed before i could leave town. in mid-february i drove back to missouri, sobbing most of the way and listening to dolly parton's "heartbreak express." i flew from st louis to new york to visit friends.

march 2003: from new york i flew to london. stayed there a few days. loved it. took the train to paris. stayed there a few days. hated it. had an unbelievably depressing one-day affair with a guy who had just gotten booted from the priesthood for being gay. went to amsterdam, copenhagen, berlin and prague. all on the credit card.

april 2003: i flew back to st louis and then drove back to los angeles. i lived on my friend's sofa. considered going back to school, but decided i was too unstable and probably shouldn't make such a huge decision until things had calmed down a bit. so instead i took a job working for a crazy show business family; they were willing to raise my salary to $550/week gross.

june-july 2003: lived with my friend rent-free.

august-december 2003: got a raise to $650/week gross. moved into an apartment with my sister.

it was probably the hardest year of my life (so far) but ultimately it made me a much stronger, happier person. and now hopefully it will help get me a generous financial aid award.