This past weekend Drew mentioned to our new friend Tip that I have a blog. I was less than thrilled because (a) it's embarrassing and kind of narcissistic to write a blog, I think, (b) I'm paranoid about my grammar and punctuation and (c) I don't want to think about all the years and years worth of angst someone could read through in the archives. So I didn't give him the URL. Unfortunately, being a smart and resourceful person (or just being bored at work), Tip went online Monday morning and found his way here without my help. That afternoon he sent me an email saying he stopped reading when he realized it was all about how stressed out I am about school stuff.

Then two nights ago I got a phone call from my sister, saying "Are you okay? I read your blog and you seem depressed."

So I want to promise you I'm not a complete basketcase. And I am doing other things besides stressing out about school. I'm exercising, I'm listening to lots of music (mostly the new Alicia Keys album, which I've decided to stop being embarrassed about because it's a damn good album. Okay, I'm still a little embarrassed), and Drew and I are doing really well. I am stressed the fuck out about schoolwork, but I don't want you to think I'm on the verge of suicide or anything. It's just that writing about anxiety is more helpful to me than writing "I love my boyfriend!" or "Track #3 is my current fave -- check it out!"

To update you on my current anxiety: I've pledged to average 4 hours of studying a day. It's not enough to prepare for the exam, but it should get me back on track. I just finished yesterday's four hour block. I've got 2-1/2 hours before my next class, which means I have to study a couple hours after dinner tonight. Which blows. I guess I should get back to it.

Oh, for those of you who remember how wrapped up I became in River Phoenix's death in '93 -- I gotta say the Heath Ledger thing really took me back. Drew and my Mom and Tip were all in agreement that it was tragic. Katie didn't really give a crap. I called her and she was clearly busy, and when I said, sarcastically, "Don't let it distract you from work, Katie" she shot back with "Clearly it's distracting you from your work." Ha! Jerk. I did definitely milk the drama to get out of studying too much last night, although I think it was also feeding into my generally depressed spirit. I've overheard people talking about it today (people who were 8 years old in 1993) and it's strange to hear them say things about Ledger being the first celebrity in "our generation" to die. Am I in a different generation from 23 year-olds? (Someone brought up Anna Nicole, by the way, and so the statement was amended to "celebrities we care about." That stings. And clearly Brad Renfro is getting no love from these people, either.)

Drew asked me last night if Heath and Jake were good friends. I said no, because to my knowledge they weren't. I was there when Jake filmed Brokeback, and I know they got along really well. But Jake gets along with pretty much everyone (except Gwyneth Paltrow). Well today I read in the paper that Jake is godfather to Heath & Michelle Williams' daugher. Which surprised me because, like I said, I never knew them to have much interaction with each other after the movie. I mean, clearly I don't know everything Jake does. But I did deal with his birthday party invites (which was big on sexy starlets, including a very recently-divorced Reese Witherspoon) and Heath and Michelle were never brought up. That's all just silly gossip, but I thought I'd throw it out there to prove I think about stupid shit, too, and that I'm not a total wreck 24/7.