Now I'm going to church, which will freak half of you out.
I'm studying for Monday's exam this week. Less posting sorry sorry blah blah blah.
Drew and I are doing well. He thinks he was poorly-portrayed in that last post, FYI. My response: "Get your own blog, then." Now, of course, I'm tempted to offer a defense of his character. But most of you know him and can accept that my postings about him never give a full picture of the man. I'm trying to just write without censorship and obviously everything is completely influenced by how I feel in any given moment. I'm happy to hear feedback from people but keep in mind that this thing is in some ways a diary and so I'm not necessarily always going to be fair and objective.
Edwards dropped out today. It sort of rubs me the wrong way that everyone immediately wants to know whom he'll endorse. I'm glad he didn't do that. I thought he ran an interesting campaign, and although he didn't fire me up like he did a few years ago I appreciated his focus on poverty. He was a brave candidate in a lot of ways, I thought (for instance, he put out an actual healthcare plan to cover everyone long before Clinton & Obama). In general, though, this primary is stressing me the fuck out and I wish it would end already. I have enough stress in my life. I want Hillary to win. If she's not going to win let's just get Barack nominated and be done with it.
I went to church on Sunday for the first time in over a decade. I guess that's not really true. My friend Jenn and I went to a Unitarian Universalist church in Santa Monica sometime in 2003 or 2004, but I think we were just bored. These past few weeks I've felt so stressed out and on Sunday I guess I was looking for some kind of moral guidance or something. Or maybe just some space that was focused on the general good, or being a good person, as opposed to a space mostly focused on me. I've become a little too obsessed over my own emotions and stresses lately.
It was nice, although I spent most of the time thinking "This'll be great for the blog." I'm not into all the "Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour" talk. The sermon itself was good: informal, short, moderately inspiring. It was about preaching and healing within your community by being a good friend to the people in your life. About "preaching the Word" just by being a good listener, a shoulder to cry on, etc. That I can handle.
But then there was a lot of chanting about the Lord that made me uncomfortable. Plus there were only eight other people in attendance so it was kind of obvious that I wasn't joining in on those parts. That's all right, though. It was nice meeting a new group of people. I like that most of them were over fifty because Drew and I rarely get to meet people outside of our age group. I'm not sure I'll go back. Maybe I should give it a few more tries before I make a decision. How long can you go to church without really believing in "the Word" and "the Saviour your Lord Jesus Christ"?
I'm staring at that question mark and wondering how many people will feel I should have put it inside the quotation mark.
After church Drew and I had a pretty emotional, er, conversation. Somedays it's all just more than I can handle. But we got through it and ended up having a really fun day, actually. We hung out with Tip and saw a movie and went out for drinks. Poor Drew. He doesn't know what to do with me these days.
I saw the psychiatrist yesterday. It was a good session. I got a lot off of my chest. She thinks it's good that I'm coming in regularly but agrees that I don't need medication or anything. There are lots of reasons I need to keep seeing her, some of which I'll share and some of which I won't. A lot of it is just the combination of all the changes I've gone through this year plus the stress of school plus trying to make this relationship work in its fourth year (which is further than Drew and I have ever made it with someone before and requires compromises and commitments we've never made to another person.) I should probably just stop trying to fix this not-broken relationship and calm down about everything. I'm trying to be calmer, but anxiety can't really be ignored. It starts coming out in all kinds of places if you don't deal with it. Exercise is a good start, but it's not enough. I'm working on it, though. Somedays I feel like everything is going to work out and then some days I feel like I'll never make it through to the other side (of school, marriage, kids, debt). The worries can be endless.
I guess I should go home now. Drew's inviting our friend Shara over for dinner, and then Shara and I are supposed to "study" (i.e. we're going to whine and complain and fret.)
Drew and I are doing well. He thinks he was poorly-portrayed in that last post, FYI. My response: "Get your own blog, then." Now, of course, I'm tempted to offer a defense of his character. But most of you know him and can accept that my postings about him never give a full picture of the man. I'm trying to just write without censorship and obviously everything is completely influenced by how I feel in any given moment. I'm happy to hear feedback from people but keep in mind that this thing is in some ways a diary and so I'm not necessarily always going to be fair and objective.
Edwards dropped out today. It sort of rubs me the wrong way that everyone immediately wants to know whom he'll endorse. I'm glad he didn't do that. I thought he ran an interesting campaign, and although he didn't fire me up like he did a few years ago I appreciated his focus on poverty. He was a brave candidate in a lot of ways, I thought (for instance, he put out an actual healthcare plan to cover everyone long before Clinton & Obama). In general, though, this primary is stressing me the fuck out and I wish it would end already. I have enough stress in my life. I want Hillary to win. If she's not going to win let's just get Barack nominated and be done with it.
I went to church on Sunday for the first time in over a decade. I guess that's not really true. My friend Jenn and I went to a Unitarian Universalist church in Santa Monica sometime in 2003 or 2004, but I think we were just bored. These past few weeks I've felt so stressed out and on Sunday I guess I was looking for some kind of moral guidance or something. Or maybe just some space that was focused on the general good, or being a good person, as opposed to a space mostly focused on me. I've become a little too obsessed over my own emotions and stresses lately.
It was nice, although I spent most of the time thinking "This'll be great for the blog." I'm not into all the "Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour" talk. The sermon itself was good: informal, short, moderately inspiring. It was about preaching and healing within your community by being a good friend to the people in your life. About "preaching the Word" just by being a good listener, a shoulder to cry on, etc. That I can handle.
But then there was a lot of chanting about the Lord that made me uncomfortable. Plus there were only eight other people in attendance so it was kind of obvious that I wasn't joining in on those parts. That's all right, though. It was nice meeting a new group of people. I like that most of them were over fifty because Drew and I rarely get to meet people outside of our age group. I'm not sure I'll go back. Maybe I should give it a few more tries before I make a decision. How long can you go to church without really believing in "the Word" and "the Saviour your Lord Jesus Christ"?
I'm staring at that question mark and wondering how many people will feel I should have put it inside the quotation mark.
After church Drew and I had a pretty emotional, er, conversation. Somedays it's all just more than I can handle. But we got through it and ended up having a really fun day, actually. We hung out with Tip and saw a movie and went out for drinks. Poor Drew. He doesn't know what to do with me these days.
I saw the psychiatrist yesterday. It was a good session. I got a lot off of my chest. She thinks it's good that I'm coming in regularly but agrees that I don't need medication or anything. There are lots of reasons I need to keep seeing her, some of which I'll share and some of which I won't. A lot of it is just the combination of all the changes I've gone through this year plus the stress of school plus trying to make this relationship work in its fourth year (which is further than Drew and I have ever made it with someone before and requires compromises and commitments we've never made to another person.) I should probably just stop trying to fix this not-broken relationship and calm down about everything. I'm trying to be calmer, but anxiety can't really be ignored. It starts coming out in all kinds of places if you don't deal with it. Exercise is a good start, but it's not enough. I'm working on it, though. Somedays I feel like everything is going to work out and then some days I feel like I'll never make it through to the other side (of school, marriage, kids, debt). The worries can be endless.
I guess I should go home now. Drew's inviting our friend Shara over for dinner, and then Shara and I are supposed to "study" (i.e. we're going to whine and complain and fret.)
Labels: Church, Drew, Medical School, Shara, Tip
1 Comments:
I'm glad you're feeling better. I can only imagine how stressful school must be for you. However, if you're like me, whenever I am stressed in one aspect of my life I tend to let it spill over into something else and then that becomes stressful and it just continues from there. Try to live in the moment-that is really all we have. I know that is easier said than done. I know you have fast forwarded to things that may/may not happen in the future. We all tend to do that but you have so much on your plate just try and enjoy the today. Well, enough of that. About church...as you probably know I'm not so sure I believe in all that stuff either but going to church helps center me and makes me try to become a better person. It makes me think of others and try to live a better life. I think we all go to church for different reasons and whatever they are, that is fine. It's not for everyone and I certainly don't ever try to push someone in that direction. But, for me, it is a time for reflection. I love you and think of you often!
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