I just watched Obama's victory speech from last night. I generally try to avoid listening to him because I feel like I'm being hypnotized. Drew thinks I need to let myself go and embrace the excitement and positivity of the Obama campaign. I've argued against it for so long, fearing he's not electable and not experienced enough and feeling a loyalty to the Hillary Rodham who's been fighting the good fight for so long. Also, I feel pretty strongly that she's more capable than he is. But then I listen to him and he gets me all goosebumpy. Which is why I avoid him. Listening to last night's speech I felt a rush of shame at his line (which I've seen in print but never heard him say): "Cynicism is a sorry kind of wisdom."

That burns, Barack. I'm holding onto the idea that I'm not supporting Hillary out of any kind of cynicism (although a lot of my points in support of her are couched in negative terms). I'm also getting increasingly concerned that my Obama badmouthing is going to be difficult to take back when I'm trying to lobby, say, my grandparents to vote for Obama over McCain. I was telling Grandma last night that I don't think he's experienced enough. "Me neither," she said. Then I realized she voted for McCain in the Missouri primary. "Well, but I mean I still think he'd be better than McCain." She didn't know what to say to that. It's a pretty weak turnaround and I'm not surprised she didn't follow me.

I had a great moment with a friend yesterday. I told him about some things I've been going through recently and he replied (via google chat): "Idiot."

It was such a relief to have someone I trust say what other friends have been scared to say. That I am, in this situation, acting like an idiot. He softened it up a bit by calling me a moron. Hehe. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in self-analysis when really the situations are much simpler than I think. Or maybe I was just ready to hear someone say what I knew to be true.