I'm concerned about myself. Low energy, little curiosity.

I feel tired, but from what? From volunteering at the homeless shelter this morning and then running to the bank, running home and taking flu clinic supplies back to work and then going to County Hospital to volunteer and running home on a break and watching Bill O'Reilly on Oprah and begging Wells Fargo customer service to forgive some overdraft fees and then driving back to the hospital in rush hour traffic.

It's a lot, I suppose... but why does driving around have to be so tiring? Where was my enthusiasm as I walked back into County Hospital at dusk and saw the setting sun's glow over downtown L.A.? Where was my excitement over hearing a second-year med school student talk about her love for medical school? Why did I just feel tired?

Because I was running around all day. Perhaps. Maybe. But maybe also because I'm chasing after my schedule instead of dominating it. I'm not being thoughtful anymore. I used to be more thoughtful, didn't I?

Again, perhaps.

I don't feel happy at the moment, but why put a premium on constant happiness? I'm living through a stressful part of the process of becoming a doctor. I should embrace it. I should let myself feel stressed and down. I still work hard not to be a brooder or a complainer. I smiled at the med school student's descriptions of her classes and faked my way through several moderately-intelligent questions. Then when she stopped talking to me I turned and slipped out the door. I called Drew at work and asked him what would make him happy tonight, and didn't tell him that I was feeilng worried and tired -- because he's currently in his ninth hour in the office and must be exhausted by now. And because I need to parcel out my whining. A boyfriend's well of sympathy is only so deep.

And anyway no one can relieve this stress. Excepting those who sit on the admissions committees of BU, Tufts, Drexel, Penn, Jefferson, Temple, SUNY Downstate, Columbia, NYU, Einstein, UCI, UCLA, UCSF or Keck.

Still, the "low curiosity level" charge stands. Guilty. I must go make dinner now, and read something. And avoid the damnable television.