Nicholas
I said good-bye to Nicholas today.
I started the day knowing that it would be a blog-worthy event, but then I went about trying to make it as normal for him as possible. Just a regular day of hanging out. That's what he needs. Not some big cathartic, emotional blowout.
We went to Drew's parents' house and swam in their pool, hung out in their jacuzzi and played billiards. He helped Drew wash his car (for which he was paid $9). He was adorable. He was whiney. It was just like every other day I've spent with him.
I've been accused of mentoring Nicholas for personal gain (it did look good on applications, after all), but that's not why I did it. I really like the kid. He's very shy, but sometimes when we're together you can feel him expanding. Suddenly he's full of himself, bragging, puffed-up, arrogant. And then he'll throw you a look that asks "Is it okay that I just said that?" It's charming, and I feel like I give him the space and the attention to act that way. At home he's one of five kids. With me he's center-stage.
The ending was tough because I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to tell him that he could call me any time, that I'd see him again soon. But I needed to be honest. I'll be really busy in Philadelphia; regular phone calls will be near impossible. I probably won't be seeing him again any time soon. So instead of making too many promises, I gave him my new address. I told him to write me and promised I'd write him back and give him my phone number (I don't have my Philly number yet). I figure that way he'll feel like I'm still a constant in his life, but he won't feel like I've let him down if I don't call him twice a month.
I always want to offer him guidance. I've gotten better about that. You can't talk to an eleven year-old that way. They're not equipped to hear explicit advice about how they should deal with life. Today at one point I told him, "You're a good kid. Do you know that?"
"Yeah." He smiled. "My mom says I'm greedy, though."
"All kids are greedy. It's okay."
"My mom says I'm really greedy. She doesn't like it."
"Well if you were my kid I probably wouldn't like it, either."
"Why not?"
"Well, because you're as greedy as all kids. And I don't like greedy people. But it's all right. You're a kid. It's normal."
"But if I lived with you I wouldn't be greedy because there wouldn't be so many other people around."
"Is that why you're greedy? Because you have so many siblings?"
"Yeah."
I tried to tell him that he would be greedy no matter where he grew up. That that's how all kids are. But that was too much for him. He was pretty sure that if he had more money and fewer annoying sisters everything would be perfect.
For me, that conversation gave me yet another little window into his world. For him all I hope he takes away from it is "You're a good kid."
I started the day knowing that it would be a blog-worthy event, but then I went about trying to make it as normal for him as possible. Just a regular day of hanging out. That's what he needs. Not some big cathartic, emotional blowout.
We went to Drew's parents' house and swam in their pool, hung out in their jacuzzi and played billiards. He helped Drew wash his car (for which he was paid $9). He was adorable. He was whiney. It was just like every other day I've spent with him.
I've been accused of mentoring Nicholas for personal gain (it did look good on applications, after all), but that's not why I did it. I really like the kid. He's very shy, but sometimes when we're together you can feel him expanding. Suddenly he's full of himself, bragging, puffed-up, arrogant. And then he'll throw you a look that asks "Is it okay that I just said that?" It's charming, and I feel like I give him the space and the attention to act that way. At home he's one of five kids. With me he's center-stage.
The ending was tough because I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to tell him that he could call me any time, that I'd see him again soon. But I needed to be honest. I'll be really busy in Philadelphia; regular phone calls will be near impossible. I probably won't be seeing him again any time soon. So instead of making too many promises, I gave him my new address. I told him to write me and promised I'd write him back and give him my phone number (I don't have my Philly number yet). I figure that way he'll feel like I'm still a constant in his life, but he won't feel like I've let him down if I don't call him twice a month.
I always want to offer him guidance. I've gotten better about that. You can't talk to an eleven year-old that way. They're not equipped to hear explicit advice about how they should deal with life. Today at one point I told him, "You're a good kid. Do you know that?"
"Yeah." He smiled. "My mom says I'm greedy, though."
"All kids are greedy. It's okay."
"My mom says I'm really greedy. She doesn't like it."
"Well if you were my kid I probably wouldn't like it, either."
"Why not?"
"Well, because you're as greedy as all kids. And I don't like greedy people. But it's all right. You're a kid. It's normal."
"But if I lived with you I wouldn't be greedy because there wouldn't be so many other people around."
"Is that why you're greedy? Because you have so many siblings?"
"Yeah."
I tried to tell him that he would be greedy no matter where he grew up. That that's how all kids are. But that was too much for him. He was pretty sure that if he had more money and fewer annoying sisters everything would be perfect.
For me, that conversation gave me yet another little window into his world. For him all I hope he takes away from it is "You're a good kid."
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