I can think of a dozen friendships I've sacrificed in my quest to get into medical school:

- I talked to Pam on the phone a month ago and told her I'd email her my availability for drinks. That still hasn't happened.

- I missed Lauren's birthday party a year ago and have been too ashamed to email her. And I haven't heard from her since.

- I used to visit Kirsten & Roland and my godson in NYC once a year. I haven't been back since school started, which means I've never even met godson #2. And now they're moving to London.

- I missed my friend Lisa's art show.

- I had breakfast with Noessa two months ago and haven't managed to call/email her since.

- I'm at least 3 weeks late answering emails from my cousin Gary, my aunt Cindy, my cousin Stephanie, my friends Bryan, Carmen, Heather, Michelle, Laird, Jade and my ex-boyfriend Fred.

Okay. So apparently I can think of eighteen friendships I've done away with. I'm losing friends hand over fist (does that saying even work here?), and the only one who's really paying for it is me. Every time I apologize to someone they dismiss it and say that they understand. But it feels awful.

When you're told that going to med school is going to be a huge sacrifice, I don't think you really understand what that means. I was prepared to sacrifice my energy, my money and my time... but not my friends.

I'm thinking about this today because two nights ago Drew said he wants us to make new friends. Which I totally understand. But I can't bring anyone else onboard when I have no time for people I already know.

I've tried to be better. I had dinner with Jana last night, and I sent an apology email and a lunch offer to Daniel (whose birthday I missed last Saturday because I was "too tired from studying").

I guess I could have taken the time it took to write this posting and used it to write emails. But I always end up suggseting drinks or dinner when I email, because I honestly do miss all those people. And then I inevitably have to cancel, and it's just too depressing.