I just talked to my grandparents for an hour on the phone. my grandpa has decided he desperately, desperately needs a paintball gun so he can shoot paint at those few "jumper" cows in his herd that keep jumping the fence and meandering around his yard. That way he'll know which cows he needs to take to the sale barn. he was very excited about this plan.

although it seems like an ingenious solution at first, i quickly realized that within a week he'll have an entire herd of bad jackson pollacks. because they're all getting into the yard. i also think that when one considers how poor my grandparents' eyesight has become one has to assume that the trees and the grass and the car and the house will also be covered with tacky splotches of fluorescent paint. and that my grandparents won't be able to see them. just like they can't see the holes in the fence that the (supposed "jumper") cows are walking through.

my granpdarents are 77. they don't need to have so many cows that they can't tell which ones are getting into their yard. right now they have sixty. i personally think three is plenty.