I've written a lot on this blog about my dad. And I've wasted a considerable amount of time and money in analysis trying to sort through my feelings about him.

But I'm over that. My dad is, sadly, a crazy person. That's all there is to it.

Exhibit A:

My mom recently ran into my ex-stepmother at a restaurant and they got into a little chat. A couple days later my mom brought up "the dog incident."

"What dog incident?"

"Oh, you remember. That's why they ended up getting a divorce."

"No. I never heard this. I remember her dog, though."

My stepmom had had a little shih tzu since college. He was probably around 9 or 10 when she married my dad.

"What are you talking about? What happened?"

"Oh, her dog kept digging holes in the yard. And you know how he is about his yard. So he took Colleen outside one day and made her watch him shoot the dog with a shotgun."

WHAT. THE HOLY. FUCK.

Everything about that story is sickening! The elderly dog. Forcing his wife to watch. The shotgun.

Exhibit B:

At Christmas I went to see my dad and his mother (who now lives with him). At one point I noticed a double-barrel shotgun leaning against the back door.

"What's that for, Grandma?"

"Oh... there's this cat that drives your dad crazy. It gets into the yard and messes things up."

My dad's yard is flat, rectangular, and grassy. It's not like he's got some Martha Stewart shit going on out there.

"What's he going to do? Blow it to pieces?"

My grandma groaned. "I guess so."

Exhibit C:

When I told my maternal grandfather this story, he said "Well you remember what he used to do to the kittens, don't you?"

Dear lord.

"No! He did what to WHOSE kittens!?!"

"Oh God it was awful. When you was little and your cat'd have kittens, your dad used to kill them with a shovel. Beat them to death with a shovel. It was so terrible... I couldn't believe it."

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Yesterday as I was talking to my sister about this, I said "He's trying to cover up his natural urge to kill people, I guess."

She replied "Well at least he still realizes he needs to cover that urge up."